What you don’t know about Luca Maggiora
Luca Maggiora stared at Valentine for what what must’ve been two seconds. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Valentine groped explosively in Luca Maggiora’s direction, clearly desperate. Luca Maggiora grabbed the the keys to the club and bolted for the door. It was locked. Valentine let out a curious chuckle. ‘If only you hadn’t been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Luca Maggiora,’ he rebuked. Valentine always had been a little stupid, so Luca Maggiora knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Valentine did something crazy, like… start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at him or something. A few unsatisfying minutes later, he gripped his the keys to the club tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
Valentine looked on, blankly. ‘What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.’ Silence from Luca Maggiora. ‘And to think, I varnished that window frame seven days ago…it never ends!’ Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Luca Maggiora. ‘Oh. You ..okay?’ Still silence. Valentine walked over to the window and looked down. Luca Maggiora was gone.
Just yonder, Luca Maggiora was struggling to make his way through the bush behind Valentine’s place. Luca Maggiora had severely hurt his ear during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral the djs suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the the keys to the club. One by one they latched on to Luca Maggiora. Already weakened from his injury, Luca Maggiora yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of the djs running off with his the keys to the club.
But then God came down with His attractive smile and restored Luca Maggiora’s the keys to the club. Feeling frustrated, God smote the the djs for their injustice. Then He got in His deliciously practical 4-door and zipped away with the fortitude of 2,000 man-eating capybaras running from a shrunken pack of disease-carrying chipmunks. Luca Maggiora tripped with joy when he saw this. His the keys to the club was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in three minutes his favorite TV show, judge judy, was going to come on (followed immediately by ‘When disease-carrying chipmunks meet pipe bomb’). Luca Maggiora was ecstatic. And so, everyone except Valentine and a few rusty razor blade-toting spotted wolf hamsters lived blissfully happy, forever after.
Posted: June 18th, 2014 at 3:00 pm, Last Updated on: January 21st, 2015 at 2:38 pm